What is Quiet Cracking?

Thoughts from a therapist on how I think quiet cracking is affecting women in the workplace.

I've been hearing a lot lately about the phrase 'quiet cracking' and how it translates into a burnout that we often don't imagine burnout to look. I think we can often assume burnout is loud and sudden. It sweeps in and takes over as not being able to cope or carry anything anymore. A sense that everything falling apart.

But my thoughts on quiet cracking, is it being a slower emotional splitting that occurs whilst still showing up at work physically. It's still attending meetings, responding to emails, meeting deadlines and appearing fine on the outside, but internally there's the emotional cracks of exhaustion, overwhelm and feeling unappreciated or undervalued appearing.

And I have really reflected on this lately as a woman who was in a corporate career in a previous life in combination with a therapist's lens on this now. And I'm sensing in the work that I do now, that quiet cracking feels painfully familiar for women.

What does quiet cracking mean?

My take on quiet cracking is that it describes the experience of continuing to to function externally, whilst internally feeling emotionally exhausted, overwhelmed and disconnected.

So, you might still be parenting, working, caring for others, achieving, replying to everyone and keeping things moving.

But underneath, something feels increasingly strained. Which can then feel like:

• Constantly needing to hold everything together

• Becoming emotionally numb

• Struggling to switch off

• Feeling irritable or flat

• Losing enjoyment in the things you once cared about

• Feeling like you're coping, but only just

I think unlike what we might expect from burnout, I'm hearing quiet cracking can go unnoticed, both by people in social circles and the person experiencing it. Because on the outside, life might look 'successful'.

Why I think so many women are relating to this

I believe that many women growing up learned, either directly or indirectly, that being dependable, capable and emotionally resilient, is something to be proud of and sometimes to a certain extent...expected. So when stress builds, it doesn't feel like a natural response to say, 'I need help'. It might be more like, 'I need to just keep going'.

And I notice this with women who have been taught historically that:

• They are the 'strong or reliant one'

• Struggle with people-pleasing

• Tie self-worth to achievement or productivity

• Feel responsible for everyone else's wellbeing

• Find it difficult to rest without guilt

• Minimising their own needs is what's done because others have it way worse

And many women who I talk to, don't necessarily tie themselves to being burnt out in ways we might assume. They are often highly capable, thoughtful and emotionally aware. But internally, feel exhausted, disconnected, flat or overwhelmed from just constantly holding everything together for everyone else. Adapting to the needs and feelings of others and putting themselves at the bottom of their to do lists.

How the workplace is playing a role here

I don't think quiet cracking is just about individually finding ways to cope or manage this more compassionately. Alongside personal experience in corporate, I am also hearing in the work that I now do, that workplaces are increasingly becoming emotionally demanding environments.

People are navigating heavier workloads, pressure to always be available, uncertainty around job security, rising expectations with fewer resources, constant notifications and digital overwhelm and blurred boundaries between work and rest.

I also think there can be a pressure to appear adaptable, grateful and high-performing as standard at all times. And I believe for some individuals, this can create the perfect conditions for burnout to start bubbling away under the surface.

Signs you might be quiet cracking

Of course, it's important to say here that everyone experiences stress and burnout

differently. However, some signs I have noticed include:

• Feeling emotionally drained, even after resting

• Becoming more withdrawn or emotionally flat

• Struggling to concentrate or think clearly

• Feeling detached from yourself or others

• Increased irritability or sensitivity

• Crying more easily or feeling close to tears in situations where this wouldn't usually arise

• Constantly feeling behind in some way

• Finding it hard to stop thinking about work long after the work day has finished

• Feeling guilty when resting

• Continuing to push through on the outside but feeling overwhelmed, disconnected and exhausted on the inside

And sometimes the hardest part that I notice and that I also told myself historically is, 'It's not bad enough yet'. I want to express with kindness and compassion here that your stress does not have to become a crisis before it matters.

You don't have to earn rest before falling apart

One of the main difficulties I'm seeing with quiet cracking, is that it often exists in the space before visible burnout. And because you might be still functioning, it can feel easier to dismiss what you're feeling. I did this too. However, constantly pushing through emotional exhaustion can come at a cost.

I believe counselling can be a space to:

• Slow down and understand what might be beneath the overwhelm

• Explore patterns around pressure, responsibility and self-worth

• Reconnect with your own needs

• Feel supported without needing to 'hold it all together'

And you don't need to wait for things to completely fall apart before seeking further support through counselling or therapy.

Counselling in Marlow and Online across the UK

I'm Rhian, counsellor and founder of Seymour Counselling, based in Marlow. I offer in-person and

online sessions across the UK. If this post has resonated with you, you're welcome to get in touch to have a free 20-min initial conversation about counselling together, and whether I might be the right counsellor for you.

You can find out about starting counselling with me here to understand what this looks like and further support around specific counselling I offer for low self-esteem, stress and burnout and people-pleasing.

Please Note: The content shared on this blog is for general reflection and educational information only, and isn’t a replacement for counselling or therapy. This content also doesn’t constitute a therapeutic relationship.