When your inner critic is loud and you're tired of listening to it

Rhian Seymour
Feb 1
4 min read

Updated: Jun 23

A woman sat pensively with her eyes closed.

What is the inner critic?

Your inner critic is the internal voice that judges, criticises and often tells you you're not doing enough, no matter how hard you try. For many people, this voice becomes so familiar it can feel like it's telling the truth, but understanding where it comes from can be the first step to changing your relationship with it.

When your inner critic is loud

For many people, their inner critics can be loud harsh voices, shouting insults throughout the day. Like a horrible bully that you can't seem to get away from. And for others, it can be a quieter and maybe more familiar voice, that whispers things in the background. It sometimes might feel like it's trying to help or sound pretty reasonable.

Our inner critics might say things like;

"You should be coping better than this"
"Don't let anyone down"
"Just try harder, then you'll feel better"

And because it can sound reasonable or familiar, we can spend years listening to it, without ever questioning where it came from, or what its costing us.

It often starts as protection

I often find that the inner critic didn't start or appear out of nowhere. It usually develops for a reason. For some, it may have formed in environments where approval mattered, where mistakes felt too risky, or where being easy-going capable and emotionally contained helped things to feel safer.

Over time, that voice may have become a way of staying in control, avoiding conflict or perhaps feeling accepted.

So in a way, the inner critic can be understood by not being the enemy, but a part of you that developed and learned how to survive and keep things safer.

The problem is what once protected you, could now exhaust you. And it may feel like this is no longer working for you in a way that it used to.

How the inner critic can show up day to day

You might notice this in subtle ways like;

A constant pressure to be productive, even when you're exhausted
Difficulty resting without feeling guilt
Feeling responsible for other people's emotions
Second-guessing yourself, even when you think you've made a thoughtful decision
Achieving a lot, yet rarely feeling 'good enough'

From the outside, things may look fine. Reliable, capable and successful. Inside though, it can feel like there's little room to breathe. And that disconnection, between how things appear and how they feel, can be deeply lonely.

Confidence and self-esteem is among the top five reasons people seek counselling in the UK, cited by 31% of those who had counselling in the past two years, according to BACP's 2026 Survey. It's something I hear reflected in much of the work I do with clients.

Why telling yourself to be kinder doesn't always work

Many people try to manage their inner critic by pushing back against it. This might be saying things like;

"I shouldn't think like this"
"Other people have this way worse"
"I just need to be more positive"

Whilst it's understandable, this can often add another layer or pressure, another way of getting it wrong.

And the trouble is, what we often resist, persists.

The inner critic doesn't usually soften through force. It softens through curiosity and understanding.

When we become curious about why it's there - what its doing to try and protect, prevent or control - this can allow space for a shift. A relationship change.

The inner critic in counselling

In counselling, we don't aim to silence the inner critic overnight. Instead, it can be about slowing things down and looking at things with gentle curiosity.

We might gently explore:

When you first started to notice this voice
When this voice became familiar to you
How it speaks to you during different experiences and situations
What parts of you it's trying to keep you safe

Over time, this can lead to a discovery of what's beneath the inner critic. Which can often be a deeper need. This could be for safety, reassurance or acceptance. And when those needs are acknowledged, the inner critic may not need to have to work so hard.

Frequently asked questions

What is an inner critic?

The inner critic is an internal voice that judges your thoughts, feelings and actions, often holding you to very high standards. It can sound like self-doubt, harsh self-talk, or a persistent feeling of not being good enough.

Where does the inner critic come from?

The inner critic usually develops earlier in life, often in environments where approval felt conditional, where mistakes felt risky, or where being capable helped things feel more secure. It often starts as a form of protection or ways to keep you safe.

Why does my inner critic get louder when things are going well?

Many people notice their inner critic intensifies during periods of success or change. This is often because the familiar voice kicks in as a way of managing the discomfort of something new, or the fear of failure.

Can counselling help with an inner critic?

It can. Counselling doesn't aim to silence the inner critic overnight, but to explore where it came from and what it might be trying to protect. Over time, this can soften the voice and create a more compassionate relationship with yourself.

Is a loud inner critic linked to low self-esteem?

Not always, but the two can often go hand in hand. A persistent inner critic can contribute to low self-esteem when it becomes the main lens through which you relate to yourself. Counselling can help to gently explore both.

A final reflection

If your inner critic is loud right now, this doesn't mean you're failing. It could mean that something in you is feeling overwhelmed, stretched or asking to be noticed. If this post resonates, you're welcome to get in touch and explore whether counselling feels like the right step for you. I'm Rhian, a BACP-registered counsellor offering in-person sessions in Marlow, Buckinghamshire, and online across the UK.

Click here to find out more about how counselling can support.